WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are a genius and a whore.
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