3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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