I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
