SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
