happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
