so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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