Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had sex on a roof
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
