I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No I am not eating basil off your cock
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
