Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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