my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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