FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
