I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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