sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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