you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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