how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
