well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
