I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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