I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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