I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
