For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
