He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
