my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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