Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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