i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
