Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
