i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
whose parrot is this?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
