They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
