it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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