Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
