and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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