I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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