How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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