we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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