So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
