you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
