Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
