He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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