tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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