i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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