Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
