I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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