dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there was a trapeze. enough said
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
