when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
