dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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