I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
a search helicopter?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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