it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize