uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize