ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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