Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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