i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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