How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
