I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
