So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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