It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
