My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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