The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
