shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
