Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize