Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
