Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize