I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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