I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
