that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
