How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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