when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
