He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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