but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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