Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
