Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
