So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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